AdriennePiece1

(This is the newest version of the story through chapter 3.)

Rachel-Keep going! You can't leave me hanging!

Dawn-definitely kept me reading. Just a few minor suggestions: page 3 line 16 I read "barking dogs" then had to go back and read that you had written "dogs barking" page 6 line 6 breaths or breath? For some reason I thought that Mr. Zankir was going on the trip too. pge 11 line 7 instead of old maybe former. page 13 line 9 take out the and and put a comma. last paragraph page 14 maybe some kind of a clue about his feelings on the family memory. Nice beginning. I like that it will appeal to boys as well as girls. What are your plans for this piece?