Revision+Techniques

=REVISION [|TECHNIQUES]= =Nancy Sturm=

Have you ever had the following experience? Your teacher hands your essay back to you. On it she has marked a few misspelled words, some grammatical errors and a few vague suggestions for improvement. Then she says, “I know you can write better than this. I want you to revise this paper and turn it in on Monday.”

You look over the paper again, and you think, “I don’t know what to do. I know my paper could be better, but I have no earthly idea how to make it better. I am so going to fail this assignment.” Then you get out a dictionary, look up a few words, make the corrections on your computer, and re-print your essay. “I’m doomed,” you think as you hand it in on Monday.

If you’ve ever had that experience, you will appreciate the following strategies for revision. Even though writing is very abstract, there are some concrete[| techniques] you can use to revise your papers, raise your assessment scores, and improve your grade.

Before you begin any of the following techniques, have something you have written that is at least ten consecutive sentences long. If this is something you do not want to mark up, make a photo copy of it first.

TECHNIQUE # 1 Bear with me here. This seems silly at first, but you will understand why we are doing this after you have finished. On a separate sheet of paper, number one through ten. Then, count each of the ten sentences in the paper you have written. (If you have a long paper, it is best not to use the introductory paragraph.) In order, record your numbers on your separate sheet of paper. Make a graph of your sentence lengths, in the order you wrote them. You may use a bar graph if you wish. Next, figure the average sentence length. (If you’ve forgotten how to average, add all ten numbers then divide by ten.) After you have figured your average sentence length, find the number of sentences that are six or more words greater than your average. If, for example, your average sentence length is ten, count the number of sentences that are sixteen or longer. Then, find the number of sentences that are six or more shorter than your average.

After you have noticed how varied your sentence lengths are, look at the beginning of each sentence. The typical pattern in the English language is to begin a sentence with the subject, followed by the verb, followed by something else. Writers who use good sentence fluency vary that pattern. EXAMPLES OF DIFFERENT PATTERNS OF SENTENCE BEGINNINGS: Subject, Verb, Something Else: I won’t even complain about math class, although I might be talking out of my head because I’m feverish. Dependent Clause: When I get back to school, I’m actually going to appreciate it. Participial Phrase: Looking at the clock, Joe gobbled his first piece of toast. Prepositional Phrase: Before every practice, Kesha Sims and Tonya Harper work on free throws, taking 50 shots each. Note: all aboveitalicized examples are taken from Writers Inc.

If you look on the Analytical Rating Guide under “Sentence Fluency,” you will find that one characteristic that will earn a writer a score of “5” is “Strong and varied structures.” One characteristic of a “3” is “Favors a particular sentence pattern.” “Little or no real variety in sentence length or structure,” is a characteristic of a “1” for sentence fluency.

This exercise gives students a visual way of determining their own variety of sentence length and structure. It works equally well with students who write well and with those who struggle.

TECHNIQUE #2 For this exercise, circle all the verbs in your paper. Then, list all the verbs in the paper on a separate sheet. After listing all your verbs, look them over: are you using the same words over and over? Are you using “to be” verbs? Are you using ordinary verbs? Looking at your verb list and their paper, eliminate repetition of verbs. You may need to use a dictionary or a thesaurus to do this. You also need to eliminate as many “to be” verbs as possible. (“To be” verbs include the following: be, am, are, is, was, were, being, been.) Brainstorm all the synonyms for “walk” that you can recall. Then, look again at your verbs. You should now try to substitute more vivid verbs for the “ordinary” ones like “walk.” Example: “The man walked down the street,” can appear very different if, instead, he “strolled,” “raced,” “meandered,” or “shuffled” down the street.

When a writer uses a large proportion of verbs, the writing “moves” even when there is no movement of characters or objects, thus the writing is more interesting.

Looking at the Analytical Rating Guide for “Word Choice,” You can see that some of the “5” characteristics include “Words are specific, accurate: just right” and “powerful verbs.” Under the “3” characteristic are the following: “Words are correct and adequate, but not precise,” “Language is functional,” and “Redundancy, uses cliché, but not to annoyance.” “Limited vocabulary” is a trait of a “1.”

TECHNIQUE #3 For this exercise, each person will need four different colored markers or crayons. In your paper, mark all metaphors and similes with one color. Use another color to identify any personification, a third color to note all sight imagery, and the fourth color to highlight imagery of sound, taste, smell, and touch. Dan Kirby and Tom Liner, in Inside Out: Developmental Strategies for Teaching Writing, state that one of the qualities of good writing in “good writing uses words that sing.” Now sometimes I feel I have written some pretty good prose, but my words never sing. How in the world do my words sing? According to Kirby and Liner, “good writing is rich in imagery and associations, strong in rhythm and repetition, filled with wordplay. The skillful prose writer uses the language resources of the poet, choosing words that are effective in sound and in metaphor.” By “coloring” your imagery, metaphors, similes, and personification, you can quickly see how much “singing” your writing is doing.

Be sure the imagery is vivid. “I smelled the apple pie baking in the oven” evokes sense of smell, but it is not an especially vivid image. “The scent of cinnamon and apples lured me into the kitchen” is a little more vivid. Here are some images and figurative language from some professional writers.

“Her skin had a pattern all its own of numberless branching wrinkles and as though a whole little tree stood in the middle of her forehead….” “She was very old and small and she walked slowly in the dark pine shadows, moving a little from side to side in her steps, with the balanced heaviness and lightness of a pendulum in a grandfather clock.” Eudora Welty, “A Worn Path”

“Her eyes, lost in the fatty ridges of her face, looked like two small pieces of coal pressed into a lump of dough….” “…when they sat down, a faint dust rose sluggishly about their thighs, spinning with slow motes in the single sun-ray.” William Faulkner, “A Rose for Emily”

“His face descended in forehead for more than half its length and ended suddenly with his features just balanced over a jutting steel-trap jaw.” “She was about the size of a cedar fence post….” Flannery O’Connor, “The Life You Save May Be Your Own”

Now that your writing has learned to hum a little, notice what the Analytical Rating Guide says about “Voice.” A “5” is “expressive, engaging, a three has only “moments of amusement, surprise, etc,” while a “1” has writing that “is flat, lifeless or mechanical” and it is “functional; no attempt to move or involve the reader.”

[|TECHNIQUE] #4 For this exercise, everyone will need a sheet of paper and markers or crayons.

Imagine that all of us in this room are moving into a new housing development. We will all be neighbors, living in our own brand new homes. Each of the homes will have the exact same floor plan. Eagerly, we watch as the homes are built. First, the foundation and the framing, then slowly, the rest of the house is finished. At last, we are ready to move in. Even though our homes have the identical floor plan, we make sure our homes take on our own unique personalities. One is painted white with black trim, another green, and another blue. One of you adds a fireplace, another puts up shutters. One of you has added a rock veneer and one of you put up flower boxes. Soon our homes, identically framed, look unique and individual.

On your sheet of paper, using four simple lines, draw a house. This represents the home that we each own with identical floor plans.

Now, using your markers or crayons, make this house uniquely yours.

The houses you have all decorated are like essays that we write. All of them have the same underlying structure; they all have the same foundations and framing that enable them to stand, but you have made them uniquely yours. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion of your paper become its foundation. They are what make it stand. In a house, we cover the framing and decorate the home to look attractive. Writers do the same thing with a paper. The foundation, the organization, must be there, but it shouldn’t be obvious. Even though all of us may write on the exact same topic, the paper should reflect each of our unique personalities and writing styles.

Notice what the Analytical Rating Guide says about “Organization.” “Reader hardly has to think about the organization” is a “5” trait. On the other hand, a “3” says, “organization does not seriously get in the way,” and a one says, “lacks clear sense of structure” and “no identifiable sense of structure.”

Now that you have a few concrete [|techniques] for revising, you can easily revise your papers, raise those assessment scores, and make that “A”!